WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


fuck capital letters and punctuation for this post, i only have a minute to type this post before some kind of beast from the family comes down and snatches the computer away from my chubby little hands.

let's have a re-cap of the last few days, shall we? saturday, fast. sunday, 270 calories. monday, same sunday. tuesday, 440 calories. today? biggest fucking failure of my lifetime. i want to scream, eat, cry, eat, attempt purge, eat, fuckeveryfuckingthing, then fuckingeatmyfuckingfaceoff. what is wrong with me? the last few days went by perfectly. i was hopeful i was beginning to lose. i felt light and airy and dizzy that even if i fell off the highest cliff i would float down like a balloon. why did i give up this feeling, exactly? because i'm an unworthy, binging cow. the amount of calories i ate today was twice as much as i'd eaten the last four days. i'm a failure. i want to scream until the world falls down. i want to purge but my body won't let go. i want to hide under every blanket i have and sleep there for weeks. my grades are fucking horrible, my friends hate me, and i can't even do this?

the train always manages to fall off the track, or find a way to fuck it all up. this train needs fixed or replaced, before it explodes in to a million pieces.



  1. don't worry lovely :(

    you will get back on track, and everyone slips here and there <3

    don't stress this-- it will only make it worse ;( I know it's hard not to let it get to you but like you said earlier, you had 4 great days :))

    you can do this-- <3

  2. everyone makes a mistake every once in a while...this doesnt mean you have totally thrown it. tomorrow is a new day to start fresh. stay strong bb.