WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

when i think about it, my friends aren't really friends.
i meet someone in the weirdest way,
and we sit listening to dubstep, doing drugs, and just being.

because really,
it's the only thing we have in common.

we're all fucked up in some way and basking in it is the only way to survive.

much love,
ariana xoxo

Sunday, June 19, 2011

daul kim is
my saviour in disguise.

i wish she hadn't have hung herself.
maybe she didn't know enough, or maybe she knew too much?
so many maybes but i feel the same way.

i've been crazy the past few days, i don't know what's gotten into me.

this not-so-new boyfriend is the most boring person i have ever met.
ignoring him so he'll dump me is probably the worst thing i can do, but i'm a horrible person after all.
ariana the monster.
my friends think so, too.

wowowowowow. my life never stops moving.

this entry made no sense, but my mind is in a mess.

much love,
ariana xoxo.

Friday, May 6, 2011

i'm being taken to prom this summer. i've lost almost eight pounds this week, something i fear is either water weight or my scales have gone quite mad. time seems to slip by quickly, day after day, on this low calorie diet and mild exercise.

i'm losing weight, and that's all that matters. i am not creative nor inspirational, i am just terribly sick. i feel completely fine with this.

stress builds up easily, but pretty canary yellow pills keep me at bay. dealing with friends cutting, friends who are suicidal, friends are borderline crazy and almost up to par with me. i am the rock, the supporter, the one full of secrets which they'll never discover. hushed words of it's okay, you're fine, this will pass which are packed with lies. i'm such a monster.

now to go hang out with my new boy--whom is in a band, wow!--and go eat sushi but secretly pick at it and loathe myself more than ever.

much love,
ariana xoxo.

p.s. should i post more often? i feel ghost-like and out of place here.