WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


i'm fat.
oh so, FAT.
i don't deserve supporters.
i don't deserve food.
i don't deserve to be skinny.
i don't deserve anything.
because i binged.
i fucking binged.


even though the voice screamed and told me to stop, telling me i'd get FAT. and i didn't listen.
because i'm weak. i was supposed to fast, but no. i didn't. i went over 1000 cals, and i didn't even consider safe foods. healthy foods. even though i went horseback riding, and rode hardcore for over an hour, it still didn't satisfy me. my legs are aching. my head is pounding. why must i fail at everything? i tried to purge, but only a little bit of food came up, then my stomach refused to give up more.

why must i be so weak?

starting tomorrow, i will not go over 500 cals until monday.
i will suceed, because if i don't, i will punish myself for it.
i will excercise for over an hour everyday, and go for a walk every morning.
i will. fucking. do it.

2 comments:

  1. We all have those stupid, annoying slip-ups. On the posative side, they do serve as reminders of how horrid a binge is, and how much we never want to do it again. Stay strong, hunny. You can do it.

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  2. Everyone slips, hon.
    Don't beat yourself up too much over it.
    It's obviously gotten you motivated.
    You can do it, sweetheart.
    Just stay strong and think thin!
    lovelovelovee.

    ReplyDelete