WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

i'm fat.
oh so, FAT.
i don't deserve supporters.
i don't deserve food.
i don't deserve to be skinny.
i don't deserve anything.
because i binged.
i fucking binged.

even though the voice screamed and told me to stop, telling me i'd get FAT. and i didn't listen.
because i'm weak. i was supposed to fast, but no. i didn't. i went over 1000 cals, and i didn't even consider safe foods. healthy foods. even though i went horseback riding, and rode hardcore for over an hour, it still didn't satisfy me. my legs are aching. my head is pounding. why must i fail at everything? i tried to purge, but only a little bit of food came up, then my stomach refused to give up more.

why must i be so weak?

starting tomorrow, i will not go over 500 cals until monday.
i will suceed, because if i don't, i will punish myself for it.
i will excercise for over an hour everyday, and go for a walk every morning.
i will. fucking. do it.


  1. We all have those stupid, annoying slip-ups. On the posative side, they do serve as reminders of how horrid a binge is, and how much we never want to do it again. Stay strong, hunny. You can do it.

  2. Everyone slips, hon.
    Don't beat yourself up too much over it.
    It's obviously gotten you motivated.
    You can do it, sweetheart.
    Just stay strong and think thin!