WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

update on dinner.

nice change, mom. just keep trying to shove greasy pizza in my face. she decided on pizza at the last minute, so that was a WHATTHEFUCK moment. i was pissed beyond belief. i had two small pieces, that came in at 375 cals, while the rest of my family stuffed their faces with a load of other shit. i chugged a bottle of water after, because i felt another part of me wanting more, but then there's another part thats screams at me not to. it screams bad things in my head, like how FAT i'll get, and how all those empty calories will go to thighs and stomach. holy shit, i sound INSANE. i'll refer to that voice as 'she', instead of saying THAT SCREAMING VOICE. i'm not making any sense now, sorry.

i'm going to go do 200 sit ups, some crunches, and other things to burn these useless calories. the scale is trying to fuck me over too. the first time i stepped on it, it said 108.2 lbs. i did that for three times and it stayed the same. then the fourth time, i stepped on it and it was 100.8 lbs. WTF. i didn't change anything, and i'm standing on it properly. it's really starting to piss me off.

anyways, i'm thinking about buying the book 'Wasted' by Marya Hornbacher. i've seen some other bloggers read it, and i wanna know if it's worth it? i really need something to occupy my mind and that'll keep my motivated.

stay beautiful & think thin


  1. i ordered mine a week ago, they said they would text me when they have it so i can go and get it, but that was a week ago :| im going back tomorrow to see so hopefully they will have it, and ill let you know how i find it :)
    fasting tomorrow want to join?
    elle x

  2. i started to read but postponed it 'cause it's kinda emotional,but very interesting though..

    agggh i hate when scales act like that! it seems that they are alive and wanna do anything to make you feel worse..it's FRIGHTENING!

    Take care

  3. i'm hopefully going to the bookstore tomorrow, but doubt i'll be by myself, so ordering it would be the best way. where did you order from?

    i'd love to, darling!
    let's just hope i can avoid supper with the parents.


  4. You don't sound insane at all. We all hear those voices in our heads. Haha. Just read my blog, i even have conversations with the voices... if anyone's insane, it's me, dearie. I'm sure you'll burn off those stupid pizza cals in to time though.

    Scales can be dumb at times. I measure my losses in inches rather than pounds because inches never lie. Just an idea to try; you could even do both if you want.

    Wasted is SO worth it! and once you've finished that, i highly recommend Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson.

  5. OMG my scale has decided it's insane as well. It keeps saying error the stupid fucker. Honey, don't weigh yourself after chugging water LOL it'll only depress you. I weighed in in the middle of a liquid fast yesterday and wanted to smash the scale.

    Stay strong!