WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


can someone please tell me stop eating everything that comes in sight, even though i have the option and rights to refuse all i want, because i can't seem to stop although i know my consequences and the fat that will hang off of me. can someone please tell me off, just tell me to stop and breathe because it's not working when i tell myself and everything is rushrunblur even though i'm sitting here sipping tea and ignoring the four presentations, three tests, and english project that is worth 10% of my term mark that i'm not doing and is due this week. can someone please tell me what is WRONG with me and why i cannot follow instructions and why my routine has dissappeared?? i just need someone to tell tell how fucked up i am for not controlling myself, and that if i don't get my ass back in shape, i'm going to be a worthless cow. terrify me, please.

why am i typing and not using proper puncutations and not writing in shorter sentences because my mind cannot stop. why are these thoughts going a hundred miles per hour and not thinking about the things that are important and need to be done. why am i complaining on a blog when no one really wants to listen to my rants because really, that's all i seem to do. why do i want to cry but no tears are pouring down my face?

this is bizaare, and not like me. well yes, completely like me.

next saturday i'm going to a formal party and i really don't want to go with my thin friends because i look terrible in dresses although i love them and would be happy to wear them for the rest of my life if i lost about thirty pounds. i need to be thin, thinner, thinnest. i want to be cold and fragile looking and always need hugs because i might just freeze in this arctic wind and be blown away like my thoughts.

now, i'm off to drink tea, watch anime, and think about doing that homework although it will never get done.

ariana, xoxo.


  1. "why do i want to cry but no tears are pouring down my face?" Story of my life right there... Keep trying, hunny. You CAN do it!

  2. you can do it. plz stay strong! where is
    your disipline?! You can do it I know it!!!