WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Monday, March 8, 2010

If you're not losing weight, you're not trying hard enough.

This is my cinnamon and vanilla candle in my room. It smells heavenly and helps me relax.

Do you ever just stand in the shower and have conversations with yourself? Like, ranting to yourself in your head. Topic after topic, talking, talking. I never stop talking to myself. I find it hard not to, plus it makes me feel lonely.

There is this beautiful girl in my school, who we shall name Belle. Belle is everything I am on the outside, that I am on the inside. She has the same style tastes, art tastes, photography tastes. But Belle is flawless. She's not fat, she's not terribly skinny. She has the smoothest curves and the biggest eyes. She looks a little cross eyed though. (Aren't I terrible picking out peoples' flaws?) But her Bambi brown eyes, red lipstick, and fascination for small, unimportant, yet beautiful things, is so intriguing. She is friends with the boyfriend, and they have similar music tastes. I want to kiss her, hate her, punch her, envy her, just stare at her for a moment. She's so fucking amazing and it's killing me. She'll never love poetry like I do though. She can read between the lines, but not what's hiding under them. Only the lost and searching can do that.

So I showered pushing her out of my hair and down the drain. I purged while I was in there too. No reason. (Although I have overeaten so much today, it's horrendous.) I feel much better though. My punishment has been served, and we are starting back at square one.

So, March Break, Spring Break, whatever we crazy kids call it, is coming up for me next week. Boyfriend is in Boston. Best friend #1 is in Florida. Best friend #2 is in Ontario. (No reason for one and two, it's just whoever came to mind first.)

What a crazy girl I am.
Ariana, xoxo.


  1. Sometimes when I'm by myself in the shower, I practice saying things to people I'll never get a chance to say them to.

  2. I've only just found you, and have only had the chance to read one post, but I'll be honest...that's all it took! :) I can't wait to read more. Glad to follow! I love your love of words. Hope you are well.


  3. I talk to my self in the shower too.lol

  4. I agree with your first sentence.

  5. Message to all my lovely followers: Moving my blog- same blog, different URL. Please follow this one now, im deleting the other. :)

  6. Very good call with purging in the shower. Best way not to get caught

    Keep upxo