i'm being taken to prom this summer. i've lost almost eight pounds this week, something i fear is either water weight or my scales have gone quite mad. time seems to slip by quickly, day after day, on this low calorie diet and mild exercise.
i'm losing weight, and that's all that matters. i am not creative nor inspirational, i am just terribly sick. i feel completely fine with this.
stress builds up easily, but pretty canary yellow pills keep me at bay. dealing with friends cutting, friends who are suicidal, friends are borderline crazy and almost up to par with me. i am the rock, the supporter, the one full of secrets which they'll never discover. hushed words of it's okay, you're fine, this will pass which are packed with lies. i'm such a monster.
now to go hang out with my new boy--whom is in a band, wow!--and go eat sushi but secretly pick at it and loathe myself more than ever.
much love,
ariana xoxo.
p.s. should i post more often? i feel ghost-like and out of place here.
you should definitely post more often. cheers for "eating" sushi. i hope prom is a blast. 8lbs in a week is bonkers. i don't really think it's your place to say you're not inspirational. so i have to disagree on that. i hear you on being the friend full of secrets. i sort of like it, i sort of hate it. lying to make people feel better is just a piece of life. so just know that part of your behavior is incredibly normal. stay strong, doll.
ReplyDeletexoxo
zette
have fun with the new boy! and congrats on the loss it sounds so amazing!
ReplyDeleteyou should definitely post more often dear!!
I know how it feels to have to be the support of all the people you know having issues, and never letting them know of your issues. You feel as if you have to be the strong one... and that just makes it harder. Stay strong, my dear, and smile a bit: you are losing weight, after all! :) I'd love it if you posted more too.
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