WARNING: you're entering the zone of a disordered freak. beware.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

winter seems to surround my mind like a blanket. it's my favourite season, full of christmas spirit, the smell of ginger, and snow days, but it also darkens my mind. depression constantly threatens to surface, dancing with my thoughts, bringing back the what ifs? when it hurts to get up the morning and I just want to cry. my therapist tells me i have seasonal affective disorder.

i find peace within myself; i like to be alone. crowds send my mind into flurries. nobody else seems to understand this.

ten pounds to boot before christmas. care to join me?

much love
ariana, xoxo.


  1. I feel the same about winter. My worry is the Christmas food. :(
    Do you feel the same on summer mornings as you do on these frosty winter mornings?

    When I stand in a crowd, I start to get paranoid. "Are people looking at me?" "What are they talking about?" "I want her legs.." "OHMYGOD she is so fat" "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT" Then I start to hear snippets of peoples conversations and my heart starts to pound, my breathing quickens and I start to panic and feel dizzy. I'd much rather be on my own, it's so much easier to deal with one voice.

    I would love to join you on 10lbs before Christmas day..I'm just not strong enough :(

    When you wake up and feel like that and want to cry, cry and then look up pictures of Christmas and winter snowflakes and remember all the things you love about winter, it might make you feel better?

    Stay strong gorgeous. <3 xo

  2. I'm getting a bit of the winter blues. I don't like to feel cold. Paranoia sticks with me on a daily basis. & I'm also trying to lose a bit of weight. I wish you would blog more often because your words are beautiful. :)

  3. i have the same thing with crowds and being alone!!
    Hope you met your goal!